Here I am...Send Me!

So today is May, 10th. That means that in 18 days I will be a college graduate. Every time I say or hear that  it still freaks me out. Where did the last four years go? It feels like only yesterday I was sitting in my freshman dorm room dreaming about the future with my roommates. Now I am 21, less than three weeks away from graduation and I have no idea where the time went.
Today I sat in a lecture by Kay Warren, wife of the famous pastor and author Rick Warren. She was talking about saying yes to God and going out to reach the least and the lost. As I sat in this lecture about taking up my cross and following Christ, it got me thinking, " Am I really dying to follow Christ?"
The answer is, sadly and obviously, "No". Kay was talking about passionately following Christ and being divinely broken. I would say that I have passion, I am not really broken for anyone or group of people, but I have the desire to be. All I could think about as I sat there listening to her was how much I would love to be overwhelmed by a passion for a cause or for other people. For too long I have sat in the bubble that is my Christian college campus and learned about the problems out there. Now I long to be out there and take the world's problems head on. Several months ago I was worried that I had lost the passion that drove me my freshman and sophomore years of college. I was feeling apathetic and disengaged from life, from my relationship with God, from my major, and seemingly from everything that I once loved. However, I realized today that I am no longer in that place and now I have this desire to go out and serve the Lord and make a difference. This is good news right? But as I thought about this today I realized that this new discovery made me a little bit sad. I have this desire to go out and change the world, but for some reason God hasn't told me where I should go next or who I should help. In fact God hasn't been telling me much lately and that is what makes me sad. I am ready and (I think) I am willing. I want God to break into my life in a radical way. I feel like Isaiah saying, "Here I am Lord send me!"So now my prayer is for God to open the doors and send me where he wills.
Also this week in my Theology of Mission class one of the authors we were reading was talking about being redeemed to praise God and that God redeemed Israel in order that they might bring praise back to him and as a result of Israel's praise other nations would be inspired to worship the glorious God of Israel. Redemption is a running theme in my life and something that God has been teaching me a lot about over the last few years. I know that I am redeemed, scripture affirms that in numerous ways, but in the last few months I have realized that that knowledge hasn't been actualized. I do not live as a redeemed person. I still carry my guilt and sin around with me and I need to let go. Once I walk in that freedom and liberty I can carry out my purpose as a child of the redeemer...to praise him and live as an example to others. I believe that this is a major part of my purpose in life.
So then, I am ready to say "yes" to God and I am ready to be sent out into the world with the glorious praise of one who has been lifted out of the pit.
HERE I AM LORD SEND ME!!!!

Here Goes Nothing

So I have never blogged before and honestly I never really thought I had that much to say. However, I have realized that there are a lot of things that I have to say and no place to really say them.  Blogging also intimidates me a little bit but I thought that it was about time to give it a try.
So now three weeks away from my college graduation and a completely new phase of life I am starting a blog to document my journey. Truth be told I have no idea what's next in my life and that scares me a little (okay, "a little" is a bit of an understatement). For the first time in my life I have no plan, no next steps. In a way it is freeing to not know what is next, on the other hand it is unnerving because for the last 21 years of my life everything has been planned for me. I have been thinking a lot about what I should do next and my options include: traveling the world, moving home to my old bedroom, moving to DC, or waking up one day to a letter from God telling me what to do next.
Alright so that last one probably isn't really an option but it would be nice :) As you can see my options are a little varied and knowing my life none of those things will happen. So stay tuned to see where this road is leading.